Don't Get Eliminated!

Morning all. Two things we woke up to this morning. First was that crappy show, Charmed, but the upside is that the show has the likes of Rose McGowan, Alyssa Milano and (see right) Kaley Cuoco. If she looks familiar, that's because she got her big break as the hot thong daughter of the late-John Ritter in 8 Simple Rules. It's true we know TV too well, which also means we have no life. But MXC was on Spike, so we watched some Asian people get hurt.

Now some things that will make your brain fall out of your skull:

Freddy Adu ain't no kid anymore. The U-23 National Team of America! defeated those pesky Canadians (that's what it's all aboot, eh?) 3-0 to secure an Olympic berth. (FOXSPORTS.COM)

MeAngelo Hall (read: another douche from Virginia Tech) will have some additonial Me time on his hands (clap clap). Yep, that was a Styx reference. Anyways, Hall signs a seven-year, $70 million contract with the Raiders, cause, we guess, he enjoys losing. Yeah, we admit Hall is a great shutdown cornerback, but as signing contracts with the Raiders go, or dealing with Al Davis that he's still alive, that basically makes him the dumbest shutdown cornerback in the league. (SI.COM)

Hey, pretty mama. Don't you want this? We saw a commercial for it during The Price is Right. We don't think that's exactly the demographic who might want to buy that Elvis stuff, but maybe we're older than we think. SNL is still funny, right? We guess it's only this that saves SNL from going the way of Kids in the Hall.

Looks like Nomar Garciaparra is ready to go, finding himself in midseason form at the end of Spring Training. Turns out the Dodgers shortstop first baseman third baseman looks doubtful for the season opener. Does anyone remember this one-time future of the Red Sox? That strapping 1997 Rookie of the Year, the six-time All Star, who now couldn't stay healthy with the help of the Fountain of Youth? His roller coaster career seems to be winding down, but at least he knocked up Mia Hamm before it was all said and done. (LATIMES)

Speaking of the 1994 Amatuer Draft ... yeah, that's what we do around here. There are some other notable busts in that first round. Jared Wright, Ben Grieve, Kevin Witt, Jay Payton and Russ Johnson to name a few. Amazing that three of these fizzled out with the team formerly known as the Devil Rays, Wright is expected to pull Pittsburgh out its 13-year cellar (stifles laugh) and Payton showed some promise early with the Mets, but now has just kind of existed in more clubhouses than in a suburban neighborhood. (BASEBALL-REFERENCE.COM)

And last but not least, extraterrestrial David Garrard (seriously, did he live on this planet before the last two NFL seasons?) has asked for more money than Tony Romo is getting from Dallas for being a poster boy of how to blow a playoff game. Says Garrard and some overpaid agent are asking for a MeAngleo-like deal and don't want to be paid a measly $2 million to play football this season. In Garrard's defense, he does have one more playoff win than Romo ($67 million) and Matt Schaub ($48 million) and Derek Anderson ($20 million), so that should get him, what, like six years, $55 million?

Well, we gotta go. The second Showcase Showdown is on already and Drew Carey, who's awesome by the way, has some sailor waving at his fat mom. For now, enjoy some MXC. Right you are, Ken!